This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
