I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
