Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you inspire me to be a worse person
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
