I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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