Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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