Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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