No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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