I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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