chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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