we're chasing vodka with high fives
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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