drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
