OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
