No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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