so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
