i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
