My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh god it's open bar.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
