I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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