are you still at the devil's house?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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