3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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