I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
nutella sex= disaster
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
