We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
