Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
