i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
