that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Are we still banned from the library?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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