You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
