I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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