He told me they were just razor bumps!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
