just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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