I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
