did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
