I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
