Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
