I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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