he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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