I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
