I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
