I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
that may or may not have been my penis.
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