The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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