My friends, they love my intelligence
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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