im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
