Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
