White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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