It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
