I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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