Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
