So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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