Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
