we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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