there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
