the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
