id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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